4 stars
Synopsis
Carrie
I’ve been in love with Jacob Blake since he picked me up in his strong arms. He held me close and promised me everything would be okay. I knew then, I had met the man who would own my heart forever.
I was five years old.
As the years went by, the need and longing for Jacob only increased—at least on my side. Jacob has never seen me as more than his kid sister’s best friend.
I’ve spent my life chasing after Jacob and trying to make him see I’m more than just his sister’s little friend. I never dreamed that by trying to show Jacob how much I loved him, I would also destroy him.
One night...one night that held so much promise, but ultimately destroyed the man I love and broke him in so many pieces, that I don’t know if he can be mended back together.
Jacob “Dancer” Blake
I’m finally home. Out of the hell hole I had been trapped in since killing another man. With the thrust of my knife everything changed.
That night I ended two lives, the scum who had been trying to rape my little sister’s friend... and my own. The other man got the easier out. I live and breathe in a hell I’ll never escape.
My brothers look at me with pity in their eyes. It cuts my insides out.
There’s trouble in the club, trouble all around us and I have to get my head straight. I have to be able to help them. Trouble is, I can’t even help myself. I just keep piling the mistakes up.
Carrie just might be my biggest mistake yet.
Now it’s another night that’s haunting me--a night that I keep repeating even if I shouldn’t.
I’m so trapped in the darkness that I can’t stop myself from going back because she is light.
She wants to save me. You can’t save something as lost as I am.
I’m going to destroy her.
I’ve warned her. Now I’ll show her.
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My Review -
How exactly does one save - Dancer? A man so deeply jaded, broken and poisoned.
When you love someone, you fight for them. You become a sponge. You absorb every ounce of shit that is being spilt.
That's how much Carrie loves Dancer. She becomes a sponge.Carrie has been in love with him since a young age. What happens one night years ago leads them both down a path of Hurt, Blame, Guilt, and Anger. Fingers being pointed as to whose fault it is.
Demons are destroying Dancer and taking him down a path of no return. Prison changes a man. Sometimes it changes them for the worse. Dancer walked away from Prison damaged and broken and living in hell. He was left with haunting memories. Those memories reminding him day by day of the things he went through and the ways he was made to suffer. Things he refuses to talk about out loud. Sometimes, you can only fight those demons so much and then you just give up fighting.
After being released from Prison - The last person he wanted to see was her.....
"Carolina Grace, the woman who offered me heaven, and brought me hell."
"She's poison; she's a fucking knife to the gut that repeatedly stabs. She's the reason my head is all messed up, that my life is screwed up and most of all she is the reason I want to swallow a fucking bullet."
Carolina "Carrie - Care Bear - Princess" Grace.... the one he blames for everything that has happened over the past few years. And even though she knows he hates her, she continues to become that sponge. She soaks up every hurtful- hateful thing he says to her. Things that cut her so deeply.
Dancer doesn't allow himself to Love or Feel anything. He is a snake full of venom and when he finally bites, it is Carrie who suffers. But when Dancer hits rock bottom - is Carrie there to stand by him? My heart hurt - for both of them. There is a lot of emotion in this one. The struggles they deal with are REAL!
"Kiss me."
"I didn't mean.....what did you say?"
"You said you wanted me, so kiss me."
"Kiss you?" she asks.
"Care Bear, this isn't going to work if you repeat everything I say. Now bring those lips down here and kiss me."
That is not only one of my favorite parts of the story, but also one where I truly felt how much of a bastard he is....
For most of the book, my heart ached for Dancer. He is struggling and doesn't want to accept what happened to him in Prison. He won't speak about it...to anyone. His nightmares are what speak for him. And as much of a bastard he is, I loved him. I wanted to be his sponge. There were times when some of his decisions made me hate him.
Can Dancer be saved? That is the lingering question...... Sometimes you think you have things all figured out. It's an illusion that you have created. You think that taking the bull by the horns is the answer. But remember....a bull is a bull. And those horns can hurt you. That is how I am left feeling about the ending.
Did they get a HEA? My answer is this "The Fuck IF I KNOW"........ I chose to believe they did....that Carrie rode that bull and road it for more than 8 seconds. That she won........ and yet..... a part of me thinks that bull is seeing RED and we all knows what happens when that happens....
Jordan did a great job giving us the story of Dancer - his demons and his Care Bear. We are also reminded how much we loved Dragon and Nicole, as they appear in the book as those loyal friends we all want to have. I look forward to what she has up next for us in the lives of the Savage Brothers MC.
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